there is triumph and there is madness
by enjolras-lesamis
Summary: he's winning the fight for his survival, but she thinks that maybe they're the only two in the world that wonder whether the price is too high. —finnick and annie, for molly.


**a/n 1.** ahaha so this is my first hunger games fanfiction so let's hope it's not too awful. and this is dedicated to **molly **(exploding-empires) because she's basically a superstar.

* * *

maybe i would have been something you'd be good at  
maybe you would have been something i'd be good at

_call it off—tegan and sara_

* * *

the first time she notices him as something other than part of her landscape, he is giving everyone a winning smile.

"finnick odair!" calls out a chirpy lady with hair as orange as the sunset.

she can't see him at first, but then he's sauntering to the stage, smiling, accepting the jealous praise and the relieved expressions with an easy grace she wishes she possessed.

he's held in front of them, his hand raised as the future victor for district four, and everyone shouts his name.

she wonders if she's the only one that sees how he trembles.

**x x**

her mother doesn't want her to watch the games, but she does anyway.

she's watching as he charms the capitol with his devastating good looks and she watches as he fights for survival. she watches as he's given the most expensive gift she's ever seen, and she watches as he kills people with it.

she finds herself silent when the others cheer for his traps, his kills, for everything he does that honours the district.

he's winning the fight for his survival, but she thinks that maybe they're the only two in the world that wonder whether the price is too high.

**x x**

he comes back afterwards to a flurry of cheers and girlish screams and it's written all over him that he hates it all but he smiles and bears it because such is the life of a victor.

she watches him; somehow, finnick odair has become her pivotal thought.

even when he's there, he isn't. the district hums along, congratulating themselves on another win and slowly grooming the rest of the potential tributes.

he goes to the capitol some times and each time, he comes back more broken than the last. there's something exquisite about a broken trinket, she thinks, something about how it's still beautiful in all its ravaged and destructive glory.

**x x**

then she's fifteen and it's her name and she can't move because she's so scared—

"annie? ANNIE CRESTA!"

—and then suddenly he's moving off the stage and there's a part in the crowd as everyone makes way for their favourite golden boy as they turn to face her and he reaches her and his face is the most handsome thing she's ever seen but she's never wanted to not see anything more in her entire life.

"i'm scared," she whispers, more to herself than anyone else.

he takes her hand, and he's nineteen now and his light has been quenched a bit but he's blessed with the sort of beauty that never fades and there's something hopelessly reassuring in that. "i know," he says back, squeezing her hand softly. "i know."

he guides her to the stage, never letting go of her hand.

"annie cresta!" the lady chirps and everybody claps, even the girls looking jealously at finnick's hand in hers.

he's looking straight at the crowd, holding her hand still, when he whispers, "i won't let you die. i won't."

she's not sure if he's speaking to her or to himself, but she squeezes his hand in response anyway, and it's the first time she sees finnick odair's true smile: even if it's just a shadow of it.

**x x**

they train and they train and they train and—

"finnick, did you know her?"

his expression is guarded as he looks up at her, sea green eyes meeting sea green. "know who?"

she shifts. "you know. the other tribute." she doesn't say her name. nobody ever does. people don't like to think about how one winner means twenty-three dead children.

he's silent for a long time. "she deserved more," he says finally. "she wasn't anything more than human, but even humans deserve more than that arena." he looked at her. "i won't let you die. i let her die. and maybe she's nothing like you, but- annie, she was twelve. she was just a kid. and i didn't kill her, but i let her die and i walked away. so i promise you, annie cresta, that i won't ever let you die."

he leaves her sitting on her bed, and she doesn't think she's ever felt so cold in her life.

**x x**

one second he's there and then the next he isn't and she's in the arena and she can see her fellow district tribute and she can see everyone and she just runs in the opposite direction.

her fellow tribute finds her, and he shares some bread he scored at cornucopia with her. they do not really know each other and to live means to let the other die, but they're still the closest each other has to a friend, and that has to count for something in this world of insanity and bloodshed.

she can't see finnick, but she knows he's watching over them. it's all she can do to hope she survives, for him. she doesn't think he can survive watching another person he tries to save die.

**x x**

the careers are lethal and cunning and none more so than the one that hides in the trees above them, unseen and patient. she and her fellow tribute are simply scouring the forest for food. there is a point to which you must trust someone if you don't want to go mad, she finds, and by this point she trusts finnick with all her heart but he's not here, so she settles for her fellow district tribute.

she hears a rustle and she turns to see if her companion is okay except there's someone on top of him and this is too much it's too fast and oh god there's a knife and so much blood so much blood so much blood—

something lolls to her feet. she blinks at it, uncomprehending. when she recognises the face of her companion, she screams, loud enough to wake all of the hidden things of the night.

the career that decapitated her companion turns to her suddenly and she doesn't even think, she can't even think, except then a silver parachute lands beside her and it's a thin net and the career's advancing and she just throws it and doesn't even stay to watch him become entangled, or to watch him die as his fellow district tribute stabs him. she simply runs as far as she can.

**x x**

everything is red and a mess and she's surrounded by heads with eyes accusing her of not watching, not saving, not being enough and oh god if this is how finnick feels then her heart is breaking for him—

then suddenly there's a roar and the ground shakes beneath her and she can't tell if this is real or not and she just wants it all to end and is that too much to ask?

but then she thinks of finnick and his promise and his story and the look in his eyes when he found her that morning at the reaping and she knows that if she does anything, she must survive for him. she can't save her fellow tribute but she can try to save finnick odair and that's a dream worth hurting for.

so when the water comes and tries to fill her lungs, she makes good on the legacy of herself and finnick and mags and every other district four tribute to ever be in the games, and she kicks her legs and swims to the surface.

**x x**

the blood washes over her eyes and all she can see is a sea of red and nothing makes sense and it's all a blur and there are eyes and there's too much pain and where is he, where is _finnick_—

"annie?" and her eyes snap open and she puts away the visions of blood and suffering and the supreme terror that threatens to suffocate her because there is only one person in the world with eyes like the sea and a smile like all her favourite things and his name is finnick odair and maybe she couldn't save anyone in the arena, but he saved her and the look on his face is worth a thousand nightmares.

**x x**

mags tells her how brave she is, and how proud they are of her, and she hugs annie close to her chest when finnick can't because he's at the capitol, hurting himself to keep her safe and she doesn't want him to but she doesn't know how to ask him to stop because he's the only thing she's ever loved but she can't save him and there's nobody that's ever caused as much pain in her world as president snow, but she can forgive him for her pain, just not finnick's. except they are now intertwined in ways beyond the realm of explanation, and she doesn't think they could be separated if they wanted to.

she is annie and he is finnick, and she is the mad girl and he is the lost boy, but when they're together, their brokenness doesn't matter so much.

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**a/n 2.** lol first hunger games actual fanfic so here's hoping it's not too bad. please don't favourite without reviewing, and please review!


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